So this past week I’ve been putting off my writing and photo assignments for the e-course. Work got busier, and I just don’t tend to carve out time for myself at home for anything like this, especially during the week. I was however watching my reflection and shadow wherever I went, often wishing I could capture something that I knew was impossible, especially with the iphone camera.
Add to that, my patience and perfection issues are being tested. I got my first partial rolls developed from my fisheye and colorsplash cameras. Now, beyond the operating issues I have been having with them, I have some internal things as well to work on. I visualized how certain photos would come out. I couldn’t wait to see them.
Well, most of them didn’t come out too well. The bundles of film that I got – which were a good deal – were 100 speed film. It’s not like I never shot film before, and it’s not like I don’t set the ISO on my digital camera. But many shots I expected to turn out, didn’t. Even on fairly sunny days, you can barely see the image it’s so dark. The whole series of photos I started last Sunday that I looked forward to most were the most disappointing, as I saw how amazing they were through the fisheye viewfinder.
It’s a learning curve. But you know what? I somehow expected my first attempts to be really good, only to get more amazing as I learned from them.
I know, it’s silly to be so hard on myself. But I splurged a good deal of money on the two cameras, and a shit-ton of film (because bundled, 20 rolls cost the same as 5!) I will eventually put the pictures on the computer – since of course I spent more to get a CD as well as print – but I’m still sitting with these feelings about the whole thing.
I did break out my good camera and get some photos for this week’s assignment, and even one with my feet and Random’s that I had been wanting to get since last week. The immediate gratification of the digital – along with the instant KNOWLEDGE of what works and doesn’t work…. Sigh. I know there’s a magic to the old style of film, I just hope I have the patience and dedication to work with it. Luckily, ISO 100 should be just perfect for daytime shots at Burning Man, and I’m still planning on taking the cameras there.
Still have only 1 of the first 4 writing exercises done, but Susannah says we should go at our own pace. I just don’t want that pace to be slacking so much that I never finish. It’s not like we get grades or anything, but the purpose of the course is to get something out of it – and you only get out what you put in.
Well, I’m going to wrap this up – it’s been a productive weekend so far, planting flowers on my balcony, packing for Playa Del Fuego (next weekend! WHEE!!) and we’re figuring out plans for the rest of tonight and tomorrow. Letting the unravelling continue and just trying to be aware of the process, and see what happens.
Have a great weekend!