Category: unravelling

Do I contradict myself?
Very well, then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)

– Walt Whitman

I feel a million possibilities within me.

I feel the urge to chase them all, do them all, but the ole limits of space and time get in the way.

One day, I know I’ll have time to putter in my garden.  Spend hours taking photos.  Energy and money to travel to places near and far.  Cook sumptuous meals for friends and family.  Escape the cubicle.  Create art.  Do things I never imagined doing.  Run my own business.  Collect eggs from my chickens.  Create a new legacy.  Design costumes.  Decorate interiors.  Paint.  Write.

When it appears that I don’t care about what I do, it’s just that I want to do it ALL – so go ahead, pick something you’d like to do.  Even if I never thought of trying it, I may enjoy it. I’ll let you know if I don’t.

I thought that I needed to find my one true passion.  Something that would be my career and define my life.  I’ve slowly come to realize that my gift is having passion for so many things, so many options… As long as I don’t stop short out of fear of making the wrong choice.

I keep forgetting that the major cause of all my stress is trying to live according to how other people think or say I should live.  When I think of how it fits into my personal rules of life, things are so much clearer.

Occasionally I am sad that I don’t have the time/money/energy/space to devote to one singular passion.  I rationalize it that there will be times in the future that will be more suited for that task.  There’s part of me that knows “What if?” that day doesn’t come.  But you know what?  It just means I spent my time on something else, something just as important.

The only thing I do know is that he is my constant.  There are a million possibilities within me, and a million paths we could travel in life.  Some are not meant for us, for this lifetime.  But some are.  All I know is I want my hand in his as we discover our adventures together.

Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
Missing me one place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you.

ETA: In discussing this with an online class, people referenced two books I already own and read a while ago!  Refuse to Choose!: A Revolutionary Program for Doing Everything That You Love by Barbara Sher (she also has a forum for “scanners” – her term for our habits!) and The Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One by Margaret Lobenstine.  And I stumbled on this site too.

Since this may help others who can relate to the “scanner” or polymath lifestyle, I had to come back and share it!

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Reflection in the balcony doors

So this past week I’ve been putting off my writing and photo assignments for the e-course. Work got busier, and I just don’t tend to carve out time for myself at home for anything like this, especially during the week. I was however watching my reflection and shadow wherever I went, often wishing I could capture something that I knew was impossible, especially with the iphone camera.

Add to that, my patience and perfection issues are being tested.  I got my first partial rolls developed from my fisheye and colorsplash cameras.  Now, beyond the operating issues I have been having with them, I have some internal things as well to work on.  I visualized how certain photos would come out.  I couldn’t wait to see them.

Well, most of them didn’t come out too well.  The bundles of film that I got – which were a good deal – were 100 speed film.  It’s not like I never shot film before, and it’s not like I don’t set the ISO on my digital camera.  But many shots I expected to turn out, didn’t.  Even on fairly sunny days, you can barely see the image it’s so dark. The whole series of photos I started last Sunday that I looked forward to most were the most disappointing, as I saw how amazing they were through the fisheye viewfinder.

It’s a learning curve.  But you know what? I somehow expected my first attempts to be really good, only to get more amazing as I learned from them.

I know, it’s silly to be so hard on myself.  But I splurged a good deal of money on the two cameras, and a shit-ton of film (because bundled, 20 rolls cost the same as 5!)  I will eventually put the pictures on the computer – since of course I spent more to get a CD as well as print – but I’m still sitting with these feelings about the whole thing.

I did break out my good camera and get some photos for this week’s assignment, and even one with my feet and Random’s that I had been wanting to get since last week.  The immediate gratification of the digital – along with the instant KNOWLEDGE of what works and doesn’t work…. Sigh.  I know there’s a magic to the old style of film, I just hope I have the patience and dedication to work with it.  Luckily, ISO 100 should be just perfect for daytime shots at Burning Man, and I’m still planning on taking the cameras there.

Still have only 1 of the first 4 writing exercises done, but Susannah says we should go at our own pace.  I just don’t want that pace to be slacking so much that I never finish.  It’s not like we get grades or anything, but the purpose of the course is to get something out of it – and you only get out what you put in.

Well, I’m going to wrap this up – it’s been a productive weekend so far, planting flowers on my balcony, packing for Playa Del Fuego (next weekend! WHEE!!) and we’re figuring out plans for the rest of tonight and tomorrow.  Letting the unravelling continue and just trying to be aware of the process, and see what happens.

Have a great weekend!


Poppet among the truffula tree plants and demon plants. Yeah it's a curious way to choose plants at a nursery, but they are fun!

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work feet 2

Trapped in a grey cubicle.

If you wonder why my photos over the next 8 weeks take to a theme, it’s for the Unravelling e-course. I’ll share some photos and some writing here, but to keep the integrity of the course I will not be posting everything or our given exercises.

These shoes are great for inbetween weather, where your feet want to be barefoot or in flip flops (because we recently had 90 degree days in April) but it’s raining and cool out, and the office is kept as cold as a meat locker.

I rarely wear skirts to work, and wore this one today – thinking I’d be ready to part with it in the Great Bedroom Purge.  While it is a little large on me, it’s not falling off, and I’m debating it.  But unless I wear it more often, I should be tossing donating it.

The pairing reminds me of arguments with my mother.  In high school we wore a uniform (yup Catholic school!), white blouse, plaid skirt and kneesocks, with the option of pants/shirts/sweaters that were white, navy, or hunter green.  I hated pairing black shoes with navy – like nails on a chalkboard I couldn’t do it.  Not that I’m very fashionista, but just my innate sense of how color theory SHOULD work, it was wrong.  Since I didn’t have navy shoes, I’d wear brown.  My mom thought this was just as wrong as I felt about black.

Seems a quick google shows the black vs brown battle has no clear winner.  Some contend that the shoes must be as dark or darker than the outfit (seems to be a definite rule in menswear), but others offered recommendations of different colors altogether which are lighter.  Yikes.  Well, with the white and light blue pinstripes, maybe my warm brown shoes are a fashion offence.  But I’m happy and comfortable, so if anyone gives me a hard time I’ll just kick them with my awesome shoes.  😛    Hey look – my blog theme is blue and brown.  If it works in graphic design, why not in fashion???

Photo fun

rainbow socks in the rain

Rainbow socks brighten a rainy day!

Put on this pair of pants today that I haven’t worn in years.  Lost weight but still kindof in between sizes, as they are tight, and short, but all the better to show off my socks! 😀

My shoes are my daily shoes that I wear to work – so comfortable unless really walking long distances – dansko clogs.  Photo taken on way to get lunch at the building next door, because if I tried taking one in my cubicle my coworker may think I’m strange.  (By now most of them should KNOW I am!  But I didn’t feel like fielding questions.)

So I thought about doing some retail therapy this morning.  Given the nature of the unravelling ecourse, I hopped back over to the Lomography site.  I had drooled over some of their items before, and almost got the disposables with color flash filters for Burning Man.  But given the lower price of the actual cameras, it makes more sense to get a regular one – I won’t care TOO much if it gets destroyed by the dust, but with a little caution it should be fine.  (I never would risk my DSLR.  Yeah it’s not top of the line, but I couldn’t replace it if something happened.)

I was happily perusing when I was called away by my boss, and much to our surprise – our project group got gift checks for meeting an important deadline!! So when it came down to it, I couldn’t choose between a fisheye and a colorsplash, and I got both.  Just over double what I would have wanted to spend, but half was covered by my bonus. (Free shipping, and bundled with a bunch of film which cost less than half the price of buying it separately.)

Next time, maybe it will be an instant camera (Susannah who teaches the course loves polaroids…) or one of the multi-lens options (I linked to 3 of the varieties but there’s a few more.)

Notice how well my reward inspired me to work hard today? 😛  Knowing the crunch that will happen before the deadline (which keeps changing), I know I’ll be working like crazy regardless of how little or much gets done now.


I like to think twitter is a conversation between friends, even when it’s public.  I had mine set to public rather than protected, otherwise my twitter widget on this blog and my facebook app which updates my status wouldn’t work.

I’m changing that now.  (Er, shortly, after I post this and send  a tweet out about it!)

I’d gotten used to restricting my tweets, I didn’t post anything I’d hate to have my mother or boss read, and felt that was enough.  Sure I felt left out when my friends tweeted while we were at the… um the library on Saturday night. Yeah that’s it, there were a lot of GREAT books there.  😛  But that was my choice in editing what I put out forever into the internet for all to see.

Last night, I mindlessly tweeted about our new flat screen TV, and when a friend tweeted during a bodily function, I replied that I called that “twooping” – I’ve tweeted before about the immense amount of words in the “twictionary” which both amuse and horrify me, and my own creation fits right in there.

A while later I checked twitter again, and found two replies from people I don’t know.

The first was spam to sell me a wall mount for my TV.

The second was a user with the account name “Twooping” who retweeted my post for all their followers to see.


OK OK.  I get that this is a new tool for marketing, and yeah that would involve targeting people who obviously can use your product, but it’s a little too “Minority Report” for me.  And I think it was the combination of both within a short time, and the fact that well, twooping to me is best left for the bathroom and private jokes among friends, DEFINITELY not something I want someone to find when searching for me.

Yes I realize I post more here about twooping than ever, but it’s to explain my reason.

I’ve been walking the line between using twitter just personally for inside jokes and being a “public” persona on the internet, and it’s time to seperate the two.

So – feel free to send me a request.  If we’ve met in person (and you aren’t my mother or boss) most likely I’ll approve it.

Facebook fans, I won’t be updating my status nearly as much, you may want to follow my blog/twitter more, and I’m much easier to reach via email than by messages on FB.

And now I’m totally expecting one of these for my birthday.  *sigh*


On an entirely different note, I registered for the Unravelling e-course today! WHEE!!! I’ll post lots of blogs here for it, as we will have writing and photography exercises.  Starts May 4.

Here’s an interesting mash up of things on my mind today…

First- a concept I saw on Zen Habits, inspired by Gretchen at the Happiness Project
Gretchen has 12, and Leo at Zen Habits has a zenly simple 4.  How many do you have?

I have a lot, I’ll try to narrow it down to a few and get back to you on it.

I have to say, as much as I like Zen Habits, I find it frustrating that every post is “7 steps to a greener life”, “12 steps to organization”, “4 steps to less stress” (paraphrasing).  Seriously, almost every post is a countdown in bullets of how you can improve your life.  They are great ideas, and sure people can absorb a numbered/bullet list easier than skimming a blog entry – but because EACH entry is like this, skim is all I do… hmm…

Through the Happiness Project (which I love the concept behind and will be following this blog), I found the Art of Nonconformity.  I’m linking to the recent blog post about the “Real world” – and not the MTV version – I think a lot of people who are like me will appreciate it.

Lastly, I am soooo excited to (hopefully) sign up as part of the Unravelling e-course.  (British spelling :P)  I got my tax refund and while I’ve spent more than I should (on iphone, jeans that won’t fall off my hips, and a few other fun things)  I promised myself I would do this, not knowing it was going to be offered again so soon.  It’s ok, there’s just enough money for it, and I just have a little less in my Burning Man fund – but it’s enough for airfare and expenses and I already have my ticket.  I think this is just what I need to explore my photography and myself on a new level, and really explore what I want my photography to be in my life.