Do I contradict myself?
Very well, then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
– Walt Whitman
I feel a million possibilities within me.
I feel the urge to chase them all, do them all, but the ole limits of space and time get in the way.
One day, I know I’ll have time to putter in my garden. Spend hours taking photos. Energy and money to travel to places near and far. Cook sumptuous meals for friends and family. Escape the cubicle. Create art. Do things I never imagined doing. Run my own business. Collect eggs from my chickens. Create a new legacy. Design costumes. Decorate interiors. Paint. Write.
When it appears that I don’t care about what I do, it’s just that I want to do it ALL – so go ahead, pick something you’d like to do. Even if I never thought of trying it, I may enjoy it. I’ll let you know if I don’t.
I thought that I needed to find my one true passion. Something that would be my career and define my life. I’ve slowly come to realize that my gift is having passion for so many things, so many options… As long as I don’t stop short out of fear of making the wrong choice.
I keep forgetting that the major cause of all my stress is trying to live according to how other people think or say I should live. When I think of how it fits into my personal rules of life, things are so much clearer.
Occasionally I am sad that I don’t have the time/money/energy/space to devote to one singular passion. I rationalize it that there will be times in the future that will be more suited for that task. There’s part of me that knows “What if?” that day doesn’t come. But you know what? It just means I spent my time on something else, something just as important.
The only thing I do know is that he is my constant. There are a million possibilities within me, and a million paths we could travel in life. Some are not meant for us, for this lifetime. But some are. All I know is I want my hand in his as we discover our adventures together.
Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
Missing me one place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you.
ETA: In discussing this with an online class, people referenced two books I already own and read a while ago! Refuse to Choose!: A Revolutionary Program for Doing Everything That You Love by Barbara Sher (she also has a forum for “scanners” – her term for our habits!) and The Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One by Margaret Lobenstine. And I stumbled on this site too.
Since this may help others who can relate to the “scanner” or polymath lifestyle, I had to come back and share it!