Category: my love

Blast from the Past

Thank you spammers for this one – an LJ post of mine is routinely hit by spam, but today I re-read my original post. I never posted much on LJ, it was mostly just to connect with one community board on there (for BPAL). But Miss Ter’i put an “Interview Me” meme up where you volunteer to answer 5 questions she asks you. .  I believe this was about two weeks after the Playa Del Fuego where I met my wonderful husband… (See #2!)



1) Describe some times in your life when have you felt strongest and most at-peace with who you are.

wow tough first one!
my first inclination is to say when i travelled in england/europe… although, while i felt strong and independent, i was still very much searching for myself.  but my times in glastonbury and the isles of scilly were awesome and i felt at home and peaceful with myself, even if i was still unsure of who that was!
second thought is burning man and related events….  not at first, and probably not even in the desert…  but eventually, being able to feel like i can truly be myself and not worry about impressing people, and then having friends and people who supported/respected me, just felt like home.

2) Love rolls into your life. Is it riding a motorcycle, driving a fancy car, dancing on-foot up a mountain road, pedaling a bicycle, hot-air ballooning…or…? (you take it from here…in other words, what vehicle did it ride in on?)

LOL… LJ only (cuz not sure he is ready to hear this, quite yet…. maybe… although we seem to be on the same page…)

it strolled/danced in wearing a bowler hat and fairy wings with a band aid on them (hence no flying ;o), on a grass path across from the fireside lounge at PDF.

sorry it’s not creative, but it’s honest ;o)

3) Tell me about your new tattoo.

heehee. I’ve wanted one for a long time, and had some different ideas. The one I ended up with came to me actually after BM last year.  I saw the celtic forest installation, and there was a drumming circle there at night, it was a cool spot but nothing stuck out in my mind any further than that. I didn’t even take a photo. (I didn’t take many, and used disposables) When I got home and stumbled upon either photos or description of the art, I learned the figure was Belisama, a celtic (well gaulish) goddess of fire, the forge, crafts, and is associated with a river in england.  I’ve wanted something that relates to BM and to fire and really wanted it before this year, since I’ll be performing in conclave. And she just seemed perfect. It hits fire, water, crafts, and burning man.  It has spiritual/pagan connections, but to strangers on the street i can just say it’s a sculpture from BM, and they’ll think it’s an angel. so it’s not “in your face” but has a lot of meaning to me, that i can choose how much of that to share.
Never expected to get it on my shoulder, but the artist is awesome and had really good points (the view is looking up at her, so it would be stupid to have it lower on my back!)  i’m thrilled. or will be when it stops itching ;o)

4) Where did the name ‘Hunnybear’ come from?

*sigh* i broke the unofficial “rule” and gave it to myself… because since my first PDF, i’ve taken and shared (although i forgot to share it much this past one) a bottle of Barenjager – a honey liquor that’s really yummy. not something you want to drink a whole bottle of, but perfect and unusual for people to sample! people remembered me based on that, and I grew up a winnie-the-pooh fan, so there ya go.  (I will accept an “official” playa name when given one that fits and isn’t too embarassing LOL)

5) Why poi?

Saw fire spinning at BM, then my first PDF…  Poi was the most common fire tool that I saw, and they sold ones that glow, so that’s why. and i surprised myself by not (always) being a complete klutz with them!  i still dabble in hoop and want to learn staff…. but i do love the poi!

“Yes! Of Course!”

Photo by Meesh, before her Burning Man wedding, 2009.

Photo by Meesh, before her Burning Man wedding, Tuesday, 2009.

A little over a year ago, it was my love Random’s first Burning Man, and my third trip there.  Towards the end of the week, Random and I were passing by a theme camp that performed weddings.

“Hey! Would you like to stop and attend a wedding reception?  This couple will be getting married in a few minutes,” a man said.

“Sure, why not!” was our reply.

“Great! Say — are you two married? [slight pause] Would you like to be?”

We looked at each other and said “Sure!”

And the man who goes by Blue Buddha married us, with me being given away by my “father” (dressed as Peter Pan), and Random standing beside his “best man” (Peter Pan’s boyfriend, wearing a collar and leash and body painted with flames on his chest).

Our wedding in 2008

Our wedding in 2008

The ceremony was deemed valid until the alcohol or novelty wears off, or until we leave the playa (the dry lake bed where the event is held).  But we called each other husband and wife only until we removed the plastic wedding rings in Reno with a touch of sadness.

Our relationship grew even stronger after we traveled and spent the week in the desert together without hating each other by the end of it.  I was pretty sure after that, we could survive anything that came our way.  We finally stopped driving up and down the state constantly (kinda) when he moved in.  We made plans to return to Burning Man again, participating in a fire performance group from Philly.

At Camp Jersey, Tuesday, Burning Man 2009. Photo by Meesh

At Camp Jersey, Tuesday, Burning Man 2009. Photo by Meesh

And so it came to be a Thursday at Burning Man in 2009, when I asked Random “Was it Thursday when we were married last year?”  Because, no matter how we try to journal and keep track of what happens at Burning Man, it’s always a lost cause.  He thought it was Thursday or Friday.  I was definitely favoring Thursday, and we decided we’d just assume that was right.   We had just returned to camp from an afternoon jaunt which included a stop at Whiskey and Whores, catching up with our friend Calamity Joe.

Our anniversary and we stopped by the camp that married us!

Our anniversary and we stopped by the camp that married us!

We camp with Homebrew for a Homebrew, a great group of mostly locals and Reno residents who like to brew or drink beer.  This year, we had two art cars owned by camp members.  The Tiki art car was Sledge’s car, and he asked if Random, Big Rig, Elaina, and myself wanted to go on a ride.  (Big Rig and Elaina are friends of ours from the regional Playa del Fuego, where we met and fell in love, who were virgins to Black Rock City and camped with us.)  Since we were well prepared to jump up and go (if you say no to an opportunity there, you may never get it again!), we said sure – where to?  “Anywhere. Just a little ride around,” Sledge answered.

Homebrew for a Homebrew

Homebrew for a Homebrew (I'm in the yellow-green kneeling in a shadow, Random is behind me) (Photo courtesy of Twinkly Dots)

It was a cool late afternoon, with the sun setting and very little dust.  We rode out heading towards deep playa, and ended up pulling up to the Temple.  Sledge had been out there before, but construction was still finishing and no one was allowed in the structure yet.  We had been there before as well, but it had only just been opened to the public so it was very crowded, and we didn’t wait to go on the upper-most level as we had friends from Camp Jersey waiting for us.

The Temple this year was a beautiful lotus shaped design with laser-cut panels in all kinds of intricate designs.  By Sunday when this art would burn, the walls would be covered with inscriptions from the many visitors who leave memorials, questions, fears, wishes, wisdom, love, and shouts of joy.

by flickr user siberfi

As we all split up to explore the Temple, Random and I wander up to the top level that we didn’t visit before.  I sensed he was acting a bit differently, but I just figured it was the mood/moment he was in.  It was romantic, looking over the city towards the Man, the sun setting to our right, a wedding being performed on the ground level below us.  I said “let’s walk to that side”, and we went to face south-east, towards Groovik’s Cube (a large interactive Rubick’s Cube art piece).

We kissed, and he said he wanted to spend forever with me, and I said so did I.  He said “then let’s make it official” and yes, he got down on one knee, and saying my full name, he asked me to marry him.  I think I said “of course, yes” in some combination, I was a little shaky.  He had a wooden ring, hand carved by our friend Calamity Joe, which he said was a temporary ring until we got home to the real ring.  It fit perfectly, and was worn next to my playa wedding band that we wore again only for Black Rock City.

As we were kissing and glowing, I asked someone to take a photo only to realize it was Marcus from our own camp! At the same time Big Rig came up to us and showed that he sneaked photos of us while we were kissing.

Thanks Big Rig and Elaina for the pic!

Thanks Big Rig and Elaina for the pic!

I asked if he had heard what happened, maybe he had known or watched while it happened, but no.  And so they were the first two to hear the news of the engagement, followed by Elaina, Sledge, and Twinkly Dots (my Reno friend/hostess/rockstar), who by playadipity* passed us on our way back to camp.

Thanks Chuck and Elaina for the pic!!

Thanks Big Rig and Elaina for the pic!!

* playadipity:  serendipity that only happens on the playa of Burning Man.  Somehow it is much more common and much more miraculous all at the same time there.

And so this is how we were married last year, and engaged this year.  Not the normal order of things, but then we like to do things a bit differently 😀

The ring that is way too small yet managed to fit my finger for an evening before going to the store for resizing

The ring that is way too small yet managed to fit my finger for just an evening, before going to the store for resizing. Peacock Topaz, a treated version of my birthstone that has a great range of purples and blues!

So for now, the real ring (it’s beautiful!!) is being resized and I still wear the wooden ring, slightly dinged and dusty but oh so much more precious than any jewel.

There’s no one else I’d rather spend forever with, and I can’t wait to share every adventure with him.

I love you, Random. ❤

Swimming at Pyramid Lake on our way back to Reno

by Flickr user cheekster

by Flickr user cheekster

The time has come to turn your heart into a temple of fire.

Your essence is gold hidden in dust.

To reveal its splendor you need to burn in the fire of love.

– Rumi

(Random’s story is posted here.)

(Our photos from Burning Man are here.)

Pacem in Terris





(New photos from Pacem in Terris)

A little bit of luck

IMG_7198 aged

This summer, at one point my love and I both found four leaf clovers within a week of each other.

Am I lucky to have him in my life or what??  😀

(finally got around to some exploring of free photoshop action set downloads, and this is one of the pics I played with.)

Love is in the air

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep
because reality is finally better than your dreams.” (Dr. Seuss)


Congrats Chris and Mandy – I love the way you love.

And congrats to my love for kicking ass as the officiant! 😀


The theme for today is lists.  Sent links for 43 Things and 101 things in 1001 Days to Limerick, and found the below posted on 101 things.  The original article mentions “before you die” lists.  I never think of them as that, more as “how to LIVE” lists.  My 43 things are mostly ongoing, so it’s hard to cross them off ;o)  But as the writer of Zen Habits says, the goal is NOT to check off things just to say they were done.  The goal is to not sit idle and watch life pass by!

Anyway – here’s the summary of the article:

6 Questions to Ask Yourself to Get the Most Out of Life

A recent article over at Zen Habits made me think a lot about the motivation for creating a 101 Things list. The 6 Questions to Ask Yourself to Get the Most Out of Life can be seen as a great starting point to coming up with ideas for self improvement on your list:

1. Who do I love, and what am I doing about it?
2. Am I pursuing my dream, or is fear stopping me?
3. Am I doing something that matters?
4. What am I doing to help others?
5. Am I as good a person as I want to be?
6. What am I doing to live life with passion, health and energy?


1.  Random. What am I not doing about it? 😀 

My family.  I’m horrible about calling them.  I’ve grown to dislike the phone.  I also need to visit them more often.

My friends.  They are my family too.  It’s hard when I feel drawn in many directions, and want to spend time with all of them but also need time to replenish myself.  hmm.

Me.  Yeah.  Sometimes, it’s OK to put me first.  The whole oxygen mask on the airplane analogy.


2.  I’m trying to figure out what my dream is still.  Workwise, no clue.  Aside from work, it’s just to have adventures with friends and those I love, to be challenged and challenge others, to grow, to never stop learning and more importantly, never stop playing.  It may look like goofing off, but I consider this pursuing my dream.

Fear may stop me in the career part – fear of failure, fear of hating something else, I don’t know.  It’s something I’m definitely struggling with, but to me the job is just to pay for shelter and for adventures and lots of cool toys 😛


3.  Again, splitting between work and social.  Work? I suppose so, roads need to be improved so I do provide a service.  If I weren’t here, someone else would do it.  I dunno…

Outside of work?  I want to do more.  Not sure how to go about that.  But I do feel that being part of a Burner community is doing something that matters – to other burners, to myself, and when I bring a bit of burner spirit to the rest of the world, I hope that matters too…  I suppose rather than a big thing I try to do lots of little things.


4.  Not enough.  Really.  How can anyone other than those who devote their lives to others really say anything else?  Again, if helping others in small ways matters, I do (try) that.  I need to devote more time and money to serious causes though.  Still haven’t donated to the food bank because of money shortage over the holidays, and I want to donate to Doctors without Borders again.


5.  Am I a good person?  I like to think that most days I am.  If I were as good a person as I want to be, I wouldn’t have anything to strive for, so that’s enough for me, for now.


6.  Oh a stickler, this one.

Passion.  Easy.  (Get your mind out of the gutter! :P)  I explore what I’m passionate about, I jump in and learn everything I can.  And then I discover something else.  OK, mind back in the gutter, or at least in terms of relationships – I do my best to love fully and accept love in return.  I read once that we only accept the love we think we deserve.  That makes a lot of sense, and I’m trying to remember that.  Because many days I don’t know what I did to deserve such an awesome guy ❤   (and awesome friends too!)

Health/Energy.  They go together.  Always striving to find joyful ways to move (not the E word!), to eat more wholesome foods than unwholesome ones, to improve our home environment so that it’s a place of rest and relaxation.  I definitely need to work harder on this, but I try.  Most of the time.  (Right now the vending machine is calling my name, miso soup was yummy but still hungry.) 



Yeah, so most of the things on my lists fall into these categories, but it’s a good checkpoint of sorts to answer them.  (Not tagging anyone, but feel free to contemplate on these even if you don’t blog/write publicly about them.)

A few positive thoughts for the New Year resolutions ponderings, and reminders of what’s important.


(I really want to read/process more about this story, but my heart can’t bear it today… Things like this, and prop 8 passing, make me want to take Big Action (whatever that is), but it’s so hard for me to stay in that mindset because I just get so angry and sad that I’m not capable of being very productive.  Sigh.  Add figuring out how I can help to #4.)


OK let’s end on a more positive note. This seems applicable, one of my favorites…

This is my living faith, an active faith, a faith of verbs:
to question, explore, experiment, experience, walk, run, dance, play, eat, love, learn, dare, taste, touch, smell, listen, argue, speak, write, read, draw, provoke, emote, scream, sin, repent, cry, kneel, pray, bow, rise, stand, look, laugh, cajole, create, confront, confound, walk back, walk forward, circle, hide, and seek. To seek: to embrace the questions, be wary of answers.

~Terry Tempest Williams, naturalist and author (1955- )



Belated happy new year to all!

I was drunker than I thought, and took longer to recover than expected… but still an awesome time.   Burned a dresser, kissed my love at midnight (and everyone else), and then hooped in the new year.

Today I’m all ADD while sitting at my desk at work.  Recipe for tofu curry.  Reading this awesome blog I found.  Planning game nights.  Discussing fuzzy/lost memories of NYE.  Must get drain-o on way home.  When can I get out of work.  Discussions of lap dances O.o  I just want to go home and play xbox…….  and I need to upload photos from NYE too!

ETA: one of my favorite memories is sitting next to my love on NYD, eating black eyed peas (in an amy’s frozen dinner, with hotsauce added – yes my tummy survived that!) looking at him and knowing that we’ll be ringing in every new year together, and being so happy about making our own traditions. ❤

2008 year in review


So. Another year is almost over and done with. I liked looking back at 2007 last year, making a slide show, and just reminiscing.

Rang in the new year at Minerva’s – headed there again this year, can’t wait for fire and freaky fun 😀

Surprise party for Tacoboy!

Went ghost hunting and we mostly just spooked ourselves as we wandered drunk in the dark and snow – such fun!

Heartburn at PEX – the first time Random and I were in the same room, and we never even knew it 😛 Great party even if it ended too soon.

PEX spin jams and conclave practice throughout the year – an awesome time and I got to know some people much better!

Met Neil Gaiman (again!) and talked BPAL 😛

Backyard birdhouse burn. Great way to say farewell to a friend’s lakehouse.

Minerva & Nabil’s housewarming party – where Random and I met in passing…..

PEX’s Phoenix Rising and Pirates vs Ninjas, at a club instead of home 😦

Spring PDF. Happy sigh. Has to be my top burn of all time. Except for every one since then…. ❤ Here Random and I finally connected, for good. Also, the awesomeness of Camp Deviant and the grilled cheese sammiches!!

Spring wildfire with Liana, Lucky, Andi, and Brian – tons of fun!

Figment NYC – even though we didn’t see much of the island, and we got caught in the rain, a wonderful day!

World Hoop Day and Hoopjams at the UU – the combo brings me big smiles and a peaceful heart. (you rule like a ruling thing that rules!) And firehooping for the first time thanks to ammre!!

Burning Man. What to say. Amazing as always. Relationship stayed strong despite travelling and dust storms. And we ended up getting married 😀

Fall PDF, amazing weather though a bit chilly at night, Deviants for the win.

Diamond dash scavenger hunt and scouring Philly for a diamond ring! Maybe next year!

PEX decom, back on familiar ground, best halloween ever!

Santacon NYC – lots of running around and catching up, or hanging with straggling santas… An odd year for sure but hey, at least we had bar dancing at Coyote Ugly!

There was the bad too.

My grandma Betty passing. The 4 car pile up in Random’s driveway. My friend Lhia’s bad accident. And more.

But in the end, the good outweighs the bad. My grandma no longer suffers. My car was ok. Lhia is thankful to be alive though she struggles with her recovery.

I’m so thankful for everything that happened this year. Growing closer with some friends, and making new ones. Always finding a new adventure, and trying to face all hardships with a sense of humor.

And you all are sick of the happy sappy I’m sure. But the past 7 months have been the best of my life and I am so thankful to have Random by my side, through thick and thin, I know that whatever happens we’ll get through it, and always remind each other of our awesomness. He is the love of my life and I look forward to the adventures we’ll continue to experience together!! i love you baby!

To each of you who made 2008 what it was, thank you, you ROCK!

May your new year be full of joy and peace and love!!!



Happy Solstice!

I did not get any e-greetings out yesterday.  Sigh.

A Belated Happy Solstice and Blessed Yule to those who celebrate it!  And Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas this week!

(Upon being wished “Merry Christmas! Or Happy whatever you celebrate!” I said “I celebrate it all, any reason to be nice is a good holiday in my book!”)

It was a most excellent holiday weekend.  Plans were to go to PEXmas in Philly, but with over a half foot of snow falling Friday, and a friend celebrating a birthday locally, the scales tipped ever so slightly in the direction of staying home for a relaxing weekend of cookies, shopping, putting up the tree.  Friday night I made cookies with the assistance of the lovely Lynn, who likes to beat my batter (and there’s a blob of peanut butter dough on the ceiling to prove it!). Lynn is my personal Martha Stewart.  Only better.  Baking/cooking instruction, offers to help organize, and solutions for the most tedious of tasks (usually means adding a bottle of wine) – she knows it all.  And Tim donated to our music library while he geeked out with working internet.

Friday night, despite warnings, Random drove up.  Didn’t know what the big deal was with the weather until he was 5 miles away, and the roads went from fine to unplowed.  On 287.  I put up the tree before he arrived, with only the star on top, planning on Stevie getting up to trouble… So far, so good. Knock wood.

Saturday I made the rest of the cookies, wrapped his present, and who knows what else… not much. Oh, made strawberry pancakes for breakfast! YUM!  We went out to a local bar for a friend’s birthday, and had a run in with a local Santa bar crawl that I never knew about (and will be blogging on my town blog about the night!)  Refueling with empanadas, we returned home to cuddle by the tree, celebrate yule by exchanging our gifts. I like this tradition, as it’s a quieter time than Christmas Eve and Day, and felt right being just us.  We stayed up most of the night playing Monty Python Fluxx and Chrononauts, what a way to celebrate the longest night of the year! 😀

Sunday was a sleepy morning with more pancakes, and shopping at the mall in the afternoon.  Ran cookies to my dad and grandmother’s houses, and came back home.

Very thankful for such a lovely weekend at home with my love, and creating some new traditions with him.


May you all have an excellent holiday if I don’t talk to you before then!!! Peace and love to you.

Not the Dalai Lama

But still good advice…

And some of it is damn timely today.  ;o)

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s:
Respect for self
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.