Category: my love


Jumping

Falling in love is like jumping off a cliff blindfolded.  At least at first it is.  The rush of euphoric moments blind us to everything else.

But I think that at some point, true love involves taking off the blindfold, seeing what’s below, and still leaping.  Or wait. We already lept…. OK maybe to not fight for a handhold to stop our fall?

MIxing metaphors like whoa.

But it’s the same metaphor. I have no idea what the point is here, I had some thoughts last night that sounded profound and all, I thought they were coming back to me but apparently not.

The point (maybe) is this. Lately, everyday, I am taking off the blindfold again.  Everyday, I wonder what the hell I am doing on the edge of this cliff. And shortly after, I think of (or see) his smile, I feel or remember his embrace, his heart, his words…

And I leap again.

———-

Maybe it’s the monthly emotional roller coaster.  Maybe it’s a little seasonal depression.  I feel like I am playing grown up, a mockery of adulthood, pretending I have my shit together but really feeling like I have no clue and my life is spiraling out of control.

———-

Wrote the above yesterday but didn’t post it.  Wasn’t making much sense.  Still feeling the blahs – whatever the culprit is, I don’t know.  I think they are temporary.  I hope so.  Trying to do Christmas shopping while worrying about money/personal finances, about commercialism, what it does to us as humans – really? trampling someone just for a sale? sigh.

Sitting here wrapped in my love’s sweatshirt, talking of moving some of his furniture here, hanging on to what’s important, what counts.

My favorite places in the world are places filled with you.  (Brian Andreas)

———–

This month is gonna fly by.  This weekend, lounging, sewing costumes, hanging with friends.  13th – NYC Santacon.  20th – PEX Santacon.  Christmas.  Out of town family/friends passing through.  I may be neglectful of reaching out to you, wrapped up in trying to stay sane through the craziness, but holler if you want to go to Santacon or just meet up for coffee.

It’s the season of light, whatever your faith… Time to remember the brightness as the world gets a little darker, allowing us time to go inwards and find the inner fire that gives us strength to get through the cold.

Keep on burning……

Step Back

me

A coworker just was saying to me yesterday about how life goes faster and faster, and you need to step back. It’s true.

In the past year I’ve had some ups and downs, but by far, the good has outweighed the bad.

It seems like a lifetime ago that I met a Random guy, and yet the months have flown by in the meantime. I don’t think I’ve stopped smiling in the past 6 months, and if I did, it wasn’t for long.

My grandmother passed, but at that point it was a blessing, we didn’t want her to suffer any further.

The memories made with friends and my love this year have been outstanding, and though it’s hard to believe, I know we’ll keep making better and better memories and experiences and adventures. As good as this year was, the next is going to be even more amazing. I just know it.

So my birthday wishes for myself (I don’t believe keeping things secret helps them come true… except for certain circumstances)

~ to continue to share love and adventures with Random ❤
~ to deepen the friendships that I have and spend more time with those I care about
~ to find a more rewarding career or hobby that can become one
~ to let go of guilt over things that are not my fault or not under my control
~ to just be. in the moment.
~ to always be grateful for the blessings in my life

33. I am liking the symmetry, and 3 is always a good number.

It’s gonna be an awesome year 😀

Hobbies

Those who know me, know that I cycle through different hobbies (you could even say, obsessions) almost as often as the seasons change.  Some I dabble in, some I immerse myself in, some drop to the wayside never to be touched again and some return time and time again.

I’m feeling a boredom from lack of a new obsession.  The last one really was fire, and even though I did the conclave thing, my true drive/passion to pursue it already was waning (I still play, and hope to retain enough skills to continue fire, poi and hooping, I don’t see ever giving it up completely.) 

I suppose you could say after that, that my obsession this summer/fall was love ;o)  It certainly took up much (ok all!) of my spare time, thoughts, daydreams. By NO MEANS is this obsession going away, but before I go crazy doing things like *ahem* purusing wedding forums when I’m bored (hey. we had a playa wedding and did a scavenger hunt for a diamond ring. my inner bride (I had one??) was awakened. and it’s just a project, something to research.  all in good time, all in good time…..)  I need something to stimulate the “new/research/learning/planning” part of my brain.  While he plays Fallout 3. ;o)  

I hope to spend time this winter with simplifying/organizing, and hope to finally knit that Abfab afghan kit that has been sitting here.  Free time has dwindled as we have more social obligations to do together, and we’ve been relishing down time to relax.  So, what can I do that doesn’t add more to the calendar, or cost much?  I have the photography that I dabble in, but I don’t have the drive to pursue that in depth as I see it as a long term lower activity hobby.  I’ve become interested in learning American Sign Language, to be able to communicate with some new acquaintances.  I don’t know…. I want something that involves research on the computer, so that I don’t necessarily have to go anywhere to participate in it (and my location doesn’t matter as much).  (I’d love to get back into art or jewelry classes, but the time and money thing pretty much rules it out.)  I wish I could find something that could make some spare money, but I know how unlikely that is.  Recently came across a store for quilting – while traditional quilts aren’t my thing, I’ve seen some cool crazy quilts, and I have a pretty awesome sewing machine.  But nothing is grabbing me, making me want to consume more and more information. 

I actually stopped reading for a while, just because i hadn’t bought any books, I’m trying to be better about that because I do love to read.  I was asked to blog more for my town blog, but I am at a loss of what I could blog ABOUT.  My love and I have mentioned geochaching as a possible interest, but it’s winter now and I’m an immediate gratification kinda gal.

It’s just about some kind of intellectual stimulation from something new. That I could research during my lunch break at work.  A topic that leads me on fun google goose chases, and scavenging around on the internet.  I won’t bother to pretend to do Nanowrimo or Nablopogmo, I don’t need an external structured event, I need a passion to learn something that I don’t already know.  I’ll keep my eyes open, but let me know if anything comes to your mind! In the meantime, I suppose christmas shopping is a project, even if I’m not passionate about it or the lack of funds making it difficult, definitely needs to be done.

And heck.  Maybe my little town could use a blog on low budget, crafty, creative, eco-friendly, and local suppliers sources for Christmas gifts….  Hmm…. Shopping=research and kills two birds with one stone!

Oh, and you can welcome Random to blog-land if you’d like ;o)  Just got it off the ground last night so still working on the setup.

That time of year

It’s a strange time of year.  There’s a definite pattern that I notice.

The leaves are almost all gone.  The time change means it’s always dark when I leave work.  My favorite season is coming to an end.

I’m recovering from a cold, which isn’t completely gone but hanging on by tooth and nail, or maybe it’s allergies.

It seems like everything should be slowing down.  Of course it should, it’s getting to be hibernation time. The calendar suddenly is much clearer but it doesn’t last long.

I have my birthday, then Thanksgiving, then the holidays (with my grandma’s birthday before Christmas, my mom’s in January).  It gets to this time and I should be excited, but instead I’m just trying to get through all the obligations, and get bitter about how my family won’t even let me pick the restaurant I really want to go to even when it’s MY birthday (and I offer a compromise, not some strange freaky place), and somehow I just muddle through it.  3 households that don’t speak to each other.  Trying to coordinate being at X place when cousins are there, and Y place when my brother is there, etc., etc., etc.  No wonder I get tired just thinking of it.

While I do think it’s partially a seasonal thing, even though it’s dark in January and February, my malaise doesn’t start then, it starts now.

With even more confusion this year on schedules (adding in another family, 2 hours away, to the mix on places to be), and with some of my family saying one thing and probably doing another, I just don’t know – the only certainty is that I’ll be celebrating with my love.  

It’s not JUST the family stuff or the change in weather.  I can’t put my finger on it.  But it feels familiar, this sliding into a depression as the world is changing from reds and oranges and golds to grey and brown.  I think it’s that I WANT the solitude and rest of January and February – I’m ready for it now.  But it’s a whirlwind of activities and shopping and stress until then. 

I’ll do my best to stay grounded, and focus on the light in my life that doesn’t come from the sun or bright leaves. ❤

Down the Rabbit Hole

What can I say….

PEX rocked like it hasn’t rocked since last Heartburn!  It was GREAT to be home again!! We partied for almost 14 hours and we’re still recovering.

I let rabbit have an adventure as I “chased” him – found him magically just before it was time to leave! But he’s still not talking about where he was and what fun he had all night ;o)

The costumes worked out great and were worth all the work.  The Deviants ROCKED the ice luge, and the kissing bandit drew quite the crowd of customers! ;o)  Other favorite memories – a conversation without a conversation with Lucky.  (I know. He knows. It’s awesome.)  The rocking conversations and cuddles on the swing.  Thinking Laura was a bunny and saying I’d chase her all night, when she was actually a lamb!  The same old “we need to hang out more, we live 10 minutes from each other!” conversation with Cat and Adam.  (ETA: How could I forget?? Hanging with Andi and Billy after, Billy’s AMAZING blacklight flag show, trying to teach people Fluxx 😀 and sitting on the trampoline in the fall sun…) And every special moment shared with my love. ❤

See all my pics from the night here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/k8et/sets/72157608427216318/

Other than that, what happens at PEX, stays at PEX. 😀  Especially the third floor!

Huge love to everyone who made the party happen and to all those who attended.  You are all gorgeous sexy souls and make life worth living! Counting down the days until Heartburn…

Love Park

DSCF1704, originally uploaded by k8et.

At the Love sculpture, in front of a fountain dyed pink for the breast cancer walk.

We took a few photos, but haven’t downloaded them from the camera yet. However, Robbins Jewelers got a few photos of us!

Us in line

Me in line

Minerva & Nabil

from the following albums:  Picasa  Robbin’s site

to know how lucky I am.  😀

 

But if you want to cross your fingers, a $20k diamond ring would be awfully nice.

This is what my love sent in for the application to be considered for the competition:

We should get chosen to play simply because we are awesome.  We met a little over five months ago at Playa del Fuego.  “Playa del Fuego” is a regional Burning Man event.  If you don’t know what Burning Man is, you are missing something amazing.  Look it up.  Since we met, we have been inseparable.

 

We love random adventures and have wanted to go on a treasure hunt together since we met and I think this would be the perfect opportunity.   We already have had a temporary marriage out at Burning Man and I think it would be great to upgrade the plastic wedding bands to something nicer. 

 

So if you want couple that is full of ‘win’ in your contest, chose us.

 

Sincerely,

 

Nate and Katie or otherwise know as Random and Hunnybear.

(picture enclosed of us out at Burning Man)

 

So with a little luck, we may be getting up at the asscrack of dawn tomorrow to race around Philly on a treasure hunt.

 

But I’m already a winner ❤

Playa Del Fuego

I arrived and was hugged by campmates.
I was a deviant (we had a theme camp, Camp Deviants).
I read deviant poetry.


I had my ranger shirt deviant-ified.
I made up many words over the weekend. Many involved -tastic or -licious.
I rangered.
I spread the word about B.E.D.
I hugged many many many friends, old and new.
I made dinner that not many people were hungry for, and burned the hell out of the hot dogs. *shrug*
I recruited volunteers and rangers.
I had my love arrive and find me despite my not getting his text (I was going to meet him) and showed him to the camp.
I drank.  A bit too much of a mixture of things.
I wore a lot of green.


I hung out in an irish pub with a wall and a red door, and watched a man in a kilt and studded leather sing show tunes with a man who tends to scamper around on all fours better than most can walk on two.
I watched my friend try to peek under the kilt.
I hooped while drunk, while wearing pants and a skirt, and did a jump-in without breaking my neck.
I laughed at the Potter posse predicaments and trying to come up with more alliteration.
I think I finally can remember which Potter is which.
I avoided getting sick and my love put me to bed.
I woke and laughed with those who never went to bed as I munched on ginger snaps.
I lounged lazily and was fed breakfast.
I cooked a gazillion (felt like it) grilled cheese sammiches. and I missed most of the deviant acts performed by the customers. but I got to see their smiles.
I dressed in a tacky 80’s dress, and laughed as campmates competed for the best jersey 80’s hairdo.
I wore too much orange (at least when standing next to my love. and those with orange hair.)


I wished my love a happy half-playa-versary. ❤
I watched the pony burn. Only it was a seahorse. I took a few hundred photos.


I danced to 80’s music.
I tried to disappear in the mist.
I theme camp hopped, then fire barrel hopped.
I wandered all night (pretty much) with my love, soaking in every luscious moment, and there were so many.
I fell asleep at dawn in his arms.
I had another lazy morning and was fed breakfast again.
I was gifted a rose.
I hooped.
I wandered in the sunny afternoon, in skimpy clothes, it couldn’t be october.
I soaked in the wonderful energy of PEX/PLF.
I packed up, reluctant to leave.
I ate from the huge buffet my campmates cooked.
I ate candy necklaces, only they weren’t necklaces, and not around someones neck….
I said sad goodbyes.
I watched a pirate ship burn.
I left home. For the time being.

 

To sum it up…. Sun. Cold night mist. Fire barrels. Fire. Music. Hooping. Food. Deviance. Laughing. Friendship. and most of all, Love.  PDF is always all these things, but even more so with my soulmate and love by my side throughout. ❤ 

 

Is it spring yet?

 

See you at PEX.

Waiting

So yesterday was a flurry of emails among my merry band of deviants. (We’re doing a theme camp called Camp Deviant at PDF.)  The last minute planning/packing/scheduling, and procrastinating as none of us wanted to be at work.

Unfortunately, they all have today off to pack and run around and hit the road, arriving when the gates open to the public.

I am at work.  No one to email with about how excited we are, and how awesome this weekend will be.

Of course I have my love to talk to ;o) we will be in touch throughout the day as always.  And – happysappy alert – this weekend is our half playaversary!  No, it hasn’t been quite 6 months (although it feels like a lifetime ago – in the good way!), but we met at spring PDF, so I’ll always count it in playa calendars in addition to regular calendar months. 😀

The car is mostly packed, and I already can’t see out the back window.  Need to pack my clothes and toiletries, and anything else I forgot, after work.  Then I’m heading down to Random’s, where we will be crafting a sign and a bar game, and helping him pack.  I could rush down to PDF tonight, but I don’t want to set up a tent in the dark and sleep alone in the cold!  He is working from home tomorrow, so when he gets up and starts working, I’ll make my way to PDF.  My deviants need me, and I have ranger duty (one of the ways to volunteer is to be a Ranger, doesn’t require too much work, basically you just know who to contact in an emergency, and help settle little crisises – crises? um drama that comes up sometimes).  Anyway – he’ll be going down to PDF after he finishes work tomorrow.  Since there’s currently no room for him in my car, it’s probably a good thing we are going in two. ;o)

So I’ll sit here today, and work, and wait.  I am excited for the theme camp.  I am also trying not to have expectations, as expectations and burns never mix well.  Aside from a ranger shift, a meal shift in our camp, and a camp event I’m running  – grilled cheese sammiches! taking over for Maria who couldn’t return this playa for her infamous sammich making skills 😦  – I have no plans and only hope to have a low stress/low drama weekend, full of fire, friendship, and love.

I think we’ve got that covered.

I’ll be thinking of those who couldn’t make it this time as the pony burns – that’s you, Mizz Buttafl’i, and our cheezy Maria, and oh damn I don’t even know who else will be missing. OH Dove and Josh.  They are in Africa with Peace Corps!  That link is their blog, a REALLY interesting read!  I owe them an email & a donation for hoops out there once I can afford it.  I’m definitely going to miss those crazy sexy kids, they always make me happy.

Big E, here I come. Hope you are ready for some hugs!!!! 😀