It’s a strange time of year.  There’s a definite pattern that I notice.

The leaves are almost all gone.  The time change means it’s always dark when I leave work.  My favorite season is coming to an end.

I’m recovering from a cold, which isn’t completely gone but hanging on by tooth and nail, or maybe it’s allergies.

It seems like everything should be slowing down.  Of course it should, it’s getting to be hibernation time. The calendar suddenly is much clearer but it doesn’t last long.

I have my birthday, then Thanksgiving, then the holidays (with my grandma’s birthday before Christmas, my mom’s in January).  It gets to this time and I should be excited, but instead I’m just trying to get through all the obligations, and get bitter about how my family won’t even let me pick the restaurant I really want to go to even when it’s MY birthday (and I offer a compromise, not some strange freaky place), and somehow I just muddle through it.  3 households that don’t speak to each other.  Trying to coordinate being at X place when cousins are there, and Y place when my brother is there, etc., etc., etc.  No wonder I get tired just thinking of it.

While I do think it’s partially a seasonal thing, even though it’s dark in January and February, my malaise doesn’t start then, it starts now.

With even more confusion this year on schedules (adding in another family, 2 hours away, to the mix on places to be), and with some of my family saying one thing and probably doing another, I just don’t know – the only certainty is that I’ll be celebrating with my love.  

It’s not JUST the family stuff or the change in weather.  I can’t put my finger on it.  But it feels familiar, this sliding into a depression as the world is changing from reds and oranges and golds to grey and brown.  I think it’s that I WANT the solitude and rest of January and February – I’m ready for it now.  But it’s a whirlwind of activities and shopping and stress until then. 

I’ll do my best to stay grounded, and focus on the light in my life that doesn’t come from the sun or bright leaves. ❤