Remember how much fun it was to go through a box of fun clothes when you were little? Guess what – it still is! I challenge you to not laugh just looking at this… but maybe it’s just because we had so much laughter during the photo shoot that it’s still putting a smile on our faces.
Archive for June, 2009
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep
because reality is finally better than your dreams.” (Dr. Seuss)
Congrats Chris and Mandy – I love the way you love.
And congrats to my love for kicking ass as the officiant! 😀
I am having a hard time separating other peoples’ baggage from my own lately.
In case you think you recognize you/a situation below, know that:
1) I’m not writing this to slam on anyone or complain about what I know – and please don’t let this stop you from sharing things with me in the future! Really! This is my issue, not yours.
2) this is coming from several (at least 4) directions – so it’s not just you! This is just me processing, that’s all. I don’t even need a response as much as just a chance to clear my thoughts!
Maybe it’s the part of me that wants to be neutral, like Switzerland. I want everyone to still like me. Unless I don’t like them. (And sometimes the jury is still out on that…)
Maybe it’s that while I can consciously try to stay out of drama, when someone does something hurtful to a friend, I take it personally.
I should give people a chance, before I make up my mind about them based on someone else’s opinions. But then, if someone I respect was mistreated, and I have limited time for my already dear friends let alone making new ones, maybe we should let the chance at a friendship pass by?
The truth is usually somewhere between the stories on both sides, and I often only know one side of the story.
I listen – to broken hearts, to friendships torn asunder, to offenses of the past, to drama and grudges where sometimes there is no longer any reasonable basis for such….
At what point should these affect my individual relationships with the speaker, with the main players, with the people on the sidelines, with those whose actions I disagree with but I see the hurt emotions behind it, with those whose actions I disagree with because they have no reason to bear grudges for others (continuing a vicious snowball effect)…
When I’m in the middle and friends with both sides – I do my best to support them both. It’s all I can do.
When I have almost no relationship to someone who caused my friend pain, do I give them the benefit of the doubt, and get to know them so I can decide for myself? Or do I just choose to be amicable at the rare times we interact and not put any energy into creating a new friendship? What if I see the person often instead of rarely?
I do not have to hold grudges on behalf of my friends. And I know no true friend would ask me to. But when I’ve seen their pain, and know their story, it’s hard to be objective about it and not remember that.
I guess it boils down to the mama bear syndrome. My drama? I can choose when to nurse it and when to let it go. I can let it be their issue, not mine. Drama shields can be raised. But when my friends are hurt, I want to protect them and get defensive towards anyone who caused them harm, and rather than drama infiltrating the shielded zone it comes from inside of me.
The people I already know, the people I am friends with or in routine contact with, I am doing my best to forgive (not that it’s even my place to forgive sometimes) and forget and move on, but I can’t help feeling awkward at times.
For those that I barely know and see, it’s easier. I don’t fret (much) over the offenses of the past, but I don’t put energy into deepening relationships with them, unless it ends up coming about naturally.
I don’t necessarily like doing this – conciously not becoming friends with someone, but I’ve developed friendships before despite many warnings as to their nature, which all turned out to be true and so much worse than anyone thought. Sigh – when is it smart to listen to the warnings and when does someone deserve another chance? I don’t know. Maybe I’m missing out on some great opportunities, but as I said before my time and energy are limited as it is, so unless something happens naturally to move a friendship along… I don’t know. I know my guard will be up longer than usual even if I am not intentionally letting it affect my actions.
(The sequel post to this may be about turning down new friends when you are too busy for the ones you already have… That’s a whole nother can of worms! And yes, I’ve heard of at least one story where someone met someone cool, and was told that they had no openings for friends in their life at that time. Urban legend? Who knows. Kinda hard to google for it! I’ve gone from years of constantly making new friends to a point where I worry that more would take away time that I should spend with those I have already. Ayeayay…)
Back to the main point….
I’m going to try to let this go. I’ve honored my friends by listening to them, by offering advice, giving them comfort. Holding on to the energy of the past is not doing me or them any service. I’ll ask advice of those who seem to stay calm in the midst of chaos, friendly with all sides. Next time something comes up that brings up OPB (other people’s baggage), if I’m not directly involved, I’ll breathe deeply and release it, it is not my struggle.
(This does NOT mean I’ll put up with people talking shit about anyone I care for. But I will be mindful about when to defend a friend and when to ask that they just don’t say those things in my presence.)
And if you catch me getting caught up in OPB, please remind me of this. Whether it’s gently saying something or smacking me in the head. This has been too much of a pattern in my life recently – gotta love my dysfunctional family of choice sometimes! 😛 (and I really do!!!) but the only thing I can (and should) do is change my own actions and behaviour. I have enough of my own baggage to deal with – I can support and encourage my friends without carrying their baggage along with mine.
I was tagged by Bella! OK let’s go.
1. Who is the hottest movie star?
I don’t know why but I always have a hard time picking someone off the top of my head! I think of all the ones I drooled over when I was a teenager, for some reason… Christian Slater. Harrison Ford. Johnny Depp. I guess in later years I watch fewer movies and more TV? I think Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles are at the top of the current list, but I know there are some I’m just not thinking of right now… Like Nathan Fillion. Hmm wait, doesn’t say male or female. Audrey Toutou, Holly Hunter, Eliza Dushku, this is a very random list of people coming to mind….
2. Apart from a house and/or car, what is the most expensive thing you’ve ever bought?
Well, I did buy a horse at one point. I’m pretty sure that tops the list (though it wasn’t unreasonably high, of course the money poured into boarding and riding equipment added up to so much more!)
3. What’s your most treasured memory?
Oh geez that’s a tough one. I have so many. But I’d have to say the whole experience of Burning Man last year, particularly the splendid sunrise my love and I watched from PEX.
4. What was the best gift that you ever received as a child?
I may be wimping out on this one by saying this – books. I loved to read as a kid, and I’m glad I read as much as I did. I guess also the playhouse at my grandma’s house is a pretty big one – that was awesome as a kid.
5. 4 words to describe yourself ~
Silly, Querulous, Adventureous, Complex
6. What was the highlight of 2008?
Finding my love ❤
7. Favorite film?
So many: Say Anything. Amelie. Serenity. Princess Bride. Dark Crystal. Stardust. Eternal Sunshine.
8. Tell me one thing that I don’t know about you.
My inner dialogue never shuts up. It’s really rare for it to be quiet in my head.
9. If you were a comic book / cartoon character, who would you be?
Pippi Longstocking. Though I want to be as cool as Death, or as crazy fun as Delerium, I’d probably be the awkward chic with a horse in the house.
10. What’s one stupid thing that you did today?
Give me time. Other than get to work late and this 😛 I’m sure I’ll do something else. (Though I did put on a shirt before putting on my bra this morning, I did realize it immediately after.)
The spin jam yesterday was small but by no means uneventful. An old car show and DJ were at the Green, playing 50’s music and even giving me a shout out when they played the song “Hula Hoop”, talking about the hooping going on! Apparently they’ll be there the first Thursday in July and August so come hoop to the oldies with me! 😀
While waiting for friends to show up, I was attacked by a mob of kids going after my hoops. I was outnumbered and overcome. For a while I frantically tried to make sure that they weren’t wandering toward the road (with hoops), throwing the hoops around, or hitting each other. Eventually I just stopped and laughed at the chaos of it all!!! And took photos on my phone.
Aside from two mothers – one who wants to buy a hoop (I hope she does) and one who approached midway through and asked me if it was ok for them to play – most of the adults with them did not express any interest or care for the safety of their kids, the safety of my hoops (I wasn’t worried, they can take a beating), or whether I minded having them all fight over the hoops. A huge thank you to those two mothers who DID take the time to talk to me and make sure it was ok! (When the first two kids approached me, I did offer the hoops to play with. I just never expected 20 more to show up!)
Eventually the flash mob moved on, and I was left to hoop and spin poi and convince passers by to try it as well… The music was much different than what I usually hoop to, but I knew many of the songs and it was a pleasant time.
And now I need to go buy cheap kiddie hoops so that I can offer it as bait to the invasive species, and make sure the adults can play as well! I mean, we have so much less play time than they do, it’s only fair! 😀
I’ve been quiet over here, between PDF, work deadlines, and all that kind of fun stuff… but I’m still here!
This month is a whirlwind and I already don’t know where May went, so I expect it to go faster.
This weekend – bachelorette party 😀
Next – Figment! I may be going with a Buttafly, as Random will have a bachelor party that night.
The next weekend is Random’s birthday (June 21) and the wedding that he is officiating for his friends (the above mentioned bach parties) on June 20, so we’ll be down the shore.
After that, June 26/27 is a garage sale hosted by the Deviants (come shop! sell! contact me for info!! It’s in Lake Hopatcong) and that Saturday night, anyone who plays with fire should contact me about hanging out and doing such nonsense in honor of Random’s birthday.
Spin jam is tonight, as long as the clouds hold off, and I keep giving them the evil eye…. (Either they’ll listen or retaliate. JUST CHOOSE ALREADY!)
My limited photos from PDF are here – some film ones stll need developing. Drinko was a huge hit! Especially combined with Skittles Vodka and Vets!
Processing lots of stuff with my e-course – funny enough, by NOT doing some of the exercises. Le sigh. It’s been stressful (mostly because of work deadlines) but they are done now, and I feel like I’ve been getting extra attention from my love in order to help eliminate stress 😀 Absolutely no complaints here.
Life is good, just busy and hectic and fast right now. Trying to stay in the moment.