Remember how much fun it was to go through a box of fun clothes when you were little? Guess what – it still is! I challenge you to not laugh just looking at this… but maybe it’s just because we had so much laughter during the photo shoot that it’s still putting a smile on our faces.
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep
because reality is finally better than your dreams.” (Dr. Seuss)
Congrats Chris and Mandy – I love the way you love.
And congrats to my love for kicking ass as the officiant! 😀
A compilation of my alter egos and costumes over the past 4 years since my first Burning Man (compiled for my unravelling e-course)
For all the navel gazing I do, you’d never know that filling out my self assessment form for my annual review at work sends me into a panic attack.
I used to take it seriously, I thought hard about it and poured my heart and soul (as it relates to work) onto a piece of paper. But it’s grown to mean nothing, it’s just stuck in a file somewhere, and my true thoughts – I don’t dare voice those even here, let alone on that form.
(Though, I took a risk and set one of my goals to be increasing awareness in the office about recycling, as I just dug through the trash can to pull out cans that were thrown away. One was in a can NEXT TO THE RECYCLING CONTAINER! UGH! Our office also stopped recycling waste paper – I’d like to encourage individual efforts in reduce/reuse waste paper, and get a petition to request the office recycles it again. Obviously I’m much more excited about this than anything else at work.)
So I figure, I don’t object to this task, I just can’t say what I want to say and no one is listening anyway. And even though it’s not New Years or any other time when people traditionally re-evaluate their life, I’d like to do a self assessment on everything BUT work.
Review of Previous Period’s Objectives/Goals
Since this is my first time doing this, I don’t have a previous list of goals. But a few ones that I have met over the past year:
– Take a hooping workshop and fire hoop for the first time
– Make a hoop video (I did this last night!)
– Create interactive art for Playa Del Fuego
– Help run an official Theme camp at Playa Del Fuego
– Cohabitate with my love 😀
– Perform fire in a group at Burning Man (wasn’t for conclave, but our dress rehearsal was a performance.)
Major Responsibilities/Accomplishments
Well, my accomplishments are listed above. Responsibilities? Hmm. What are my responsibilities outside of work?
– Take care of my kitties (check. though they need brushing and I can’t find the brush, they are happy and healthy!)
– Pay bills and stay on top of finances (eh still struggling but I’m mostly responsible here)
Seriously? Those are the only “MUST DO” responsibilities that I can think of, but if I get into “SHOULD DO” I can think of more. This is brainstorming, not necessarily all of these were accomplished, but they are all things I’m working on.
– Responsibilities to self: Eat in ways that sustain me and improve my health. Get some movement in, every day hopefully. Get enough sleep. Spend time doing things that nurture and sustain me, and improve/educate myself. Be aware of needs, desires, and boundaries. Learn to say no to things that will only cause stress, and yes to things that scare me but are good for me. Keep home a cleaner, nicer place to relax and rejuvenate. Make sure financial basic needs are met (pay bills on time, keep roof over head, improve credit rating).
– Responsibilities to family/friends: Love and care for kitties. Love Random, spend quality time together, work on mutual dreams and goals. Call and visit family. Often. Spend quality time with friends/family of choice, be there when they need support.
– Responsibilities to community/world: Participate in life, don’t just spectate. Contribute discussions, time, art, and effort to events that matter to me and to issues of importance in the world. Improve my “green” efforts. Bring joy and awareness to those around me. Help create things/movements as a group for larger reaching efforts.
Strengths
I have great ideas. I can help others make their ideas happen. I have a harder time making my own ideas happen 😛
Love learning and experiencing new things. A sense of adventure.
Curious mind, always wanting to know how things work and how to do new things.
A sense of responsibility to community and the planet.
Willingness to look like a fool in public for the sake of fun.
Never underestimating the power of fun, camaraderie, good food, or good sleep.
Development Needed
Knowing and trusting my strengths.
Making decisions.
Balancing what goals I can set and accomplish on my own to improve my life, and what ones I should set and work on together with my love.
Incorporating my passions into my job/career.
Pursuing bigger picture adventures without getting bogged down with the daily grind.
Simplifying.
Balancing responsibilities and fun time.
Incorporating good ideas and lifestyle changes permanently.
Being gentle with myself for doing things poorly or not at all.
Watching where I spend/waste time.
Next Period’s Objectives/Goals and Target Dates
In the next month/s I shall:
– Make progress on cleaning/simplifying our home. (Make a game plan with my love, figure out what we can do together to do this.) Two weeks to a garage sale, so the incentive is there.
– Bring/create some joy into my work life, even if it’s tiny ways. Be more present and productive at work.
– Set some short and long term individual and mutual goals with my love, and figure out ways to keep part of our efforts focused on them.
– Enjoy every moment of summer while it’s here. It goes so fast. Be present in the moment.
– Continue to increase healthy habits and decrease unhealthy ones.
– Increase calls/visits to family. Decrease guilt about it never being enough 😛
In the next year I shall:
– Find a way to enjoy my job or find a new one.
– Relocate (if/when it suits both of us & our jobs).
– Have a routine to keep our home simplified, cleaner, and more green. Reduce the amount of things I own and use/enjoy the things I do own.
– Leave time/space for unplanned adventures and spontaneity.
– Explore my creativity in old and new ways.
– Contribute time and energy to the groups that matter to me – PDF, PEX, fire community, etc.
– Whether through the above or not, work on creations/artistic acts that make a public impact in some way.
– Never stop growing or improving, but always allowing me to be gentle to myself when needed.
– Focus on what matters most. Release things/people that don’t matter, that are more harmful than beneficial, whose time is just past.
Comments/Questions/Ideas
Ack. OK. This was quite the onion peel. I had been thinking I couldn’t afford an acquaintance’s new ecourse, but after seeing this I think I should sign up (I only have today left to decide 😛 I also worry about the workload, as I finish an e-course that I fell behind on, and summer is a crazy time…)
I’m going to turn this around to you. Questions or ideas for me? Did this raise any thoughts of what you can do in your own life?
I have a million ideas but can never decide on ways to implement them. I find tons of amazing resources online like the happiness project (I even have a starter kit to start a group), creative every day challenge, joy rebellion, 29 day giving challenge…. Too many to choose from and commit to them all.
Do you want me to share more things like this with you? Would you be interested in a virtual or in person effort to pursue one of these things? If you are anything like me, you may say YES! and even pick one, but without serious commitement to it, our efforts will fall apart. And being spread too thin over many efforts does the same.
I’ll continue to share these things in case they strike a chord with you, but if you think that you and I should start a new community effort and you are willing to help, let’s talk. Maybe it will be a slow start, being summer and all. Maybe we can create something amazing. Maybe we’ll just have some amazing brainstorming and go on with our lives better for it.
I’m not feeling like LEADING this at this moment, but I look for those who want to CO-CREATE with me. To conspire with me. Or hell, just to console and have a cocktail on the rough days. I don’t know. If you are already in my life chances are you already do one of those things at least. I’m just planting a seed, and seeing what comes from it. I’m focusing on that which I want to nurture in my life, and I need some people around to support and remind me of that so I don’t get too far off track.
So – now that I wrote this huge ass post on my own time and just finished posting it during a brief break at work (*wink wink*) I should get back to my real task at hand. Which is of course, procrastinate and plan for the weekend trip!
I am having a hard time separating other peoples’ baggage from my own lately.
In case you think you recognize you/a situation below, know that:
1) I’m not writing this to slam on anyone or complain about what I know – and please don’t let this stop you from sharing things with me in the future! Really! This is my issue, not yours.
2) this is coming from several (at least 4) directions – so it’s not just you! This is just me processing, that’s all. I don’t even need a response as much as just a chance to clear my thoughts!
Maybe it’s the part of me that wants to be neutral, like Switzerland. I want everyone to still like me. Unless I don’t like them. (And sometimes the jury is still out on that…)
Maybe it’s that while I can consciously try to stay out of drama, when someone does something hurtful to a friend, I take it personally.
I should give people a chance, before I make up my mind about them based on someone else’s opinions. But then, if someone I respect was mistreated, and I have limited time for my already dear friends let alone making new ones, maybe we should let the chance at a friendship pass by?
The truth is usually somewhere between the stories on both sides, and I often only know one side of the story.
I listen – to broken hearts, to friendships torn asunder, to offenses of the past, to drama and grudges where sometimes there is no longer any reasonable basis for such….
At what point should these affect my individual relationships with the speaker, with the main players, with the people on the sidelines, with those whose actions I disagree with but I see the hurt emotions behind it, with those whose actions I disagree with because they have no reason to bear grudges for others (continuing a vicious snowball effect)…
When I’m in the middle and friends with both sides – I do my best to support them both. It’s all I can do.
When I have almost no relationship to someone who caused my friend pain, do I give them the benefit of the doubt, and get to know them so I can decide for myself? Or do I just choose to be amicable at the rare times we interact and not put any energy into creating a new friendship? What if I see the person often instead of rarely?
I do not have to hold grudges on behalf of my friends. And I know no true friend would ask me to. But when I’ve seen their pain, and know their story, it’s hard to be objective about it and not remember that.
I guess it boils down to the mama bear syndrome. My drama? I can choose when to nurse it and when to let it go. I can let it be their issue, not mine. Drama shields can be raised. But when my friends are hurt, I want to protect them and get defensive towards anyone who caused them harm, and rather than drama infiltrating the shielded zone it comes from inside of me.
The people I already know, the people I am friends with or in routine contact with, I am doing my best to forgive (not that it’s even my place to forgive sometimes) and forget and move on, but I can’t help feeling awkward at times.
For those that I barely know and see, it’s easier. I don’t fret (much) over the offenses of the past, but I don’t put energy into deepening relationships with them, unless it ends up coming about naturally.
I don’t necessarily like doing this – conciously not becoming friends with someone, but I’ve developed friendships before despite many warnings as to their nature, which all turned out to be true and so much worse than anyone thought. Sigh – when is it smart to listen to the warnings and when does someone deserve another chance? I don’t know. Maybe I’m missing out on some great opportunities, but as I said before my time and energy are limited as it is, so unless something happens naturally to move a friendship along… I don’t know. I know my guard will be up longer than usual even if I am not intentionally letting it affect my actions.
(The sequel post to this may be about turning down new friends when you are too busy for the ones you already have… That’s a whole nother can of worms! And yes, I’ve heard of at least one story where someone met someone cool, and was told that they had no openings for friends in their life at that time. Urban legend? Who knows. Kinda hard to google for it! I’ve gone from years of constantly making new friends to a point where I worry that more would take away time that I should spend with those I have already. Ayeayay…)
Back to the main point….
I’m going to try to let this go. I’ve honored my friends by listening to them, by offering advice, giving them comfort. Holding on to the energy of the past is not doing me or them any service. I’ll ask advice of those who seem to stay calm in the midst of chaos, friendly with all sides. Next time something comes up that brings up OPB (other people’s baggage), if I’m not directly involved, I’ll breathe deeply and release it, it is not my struggle.
(This does NOT mean I’ll put up with people talking shit about anyone I care for. But I will be mindful about when to defend a friend and when to ask that they just don’t say those things in my presence.)
And if you catch me getting caught up in OPB, please remind me of this. Whether it’s gently saying something or smacking me in the head. This has been too much of a pattern in my life recently – gotta love my dysfunctional family of choice sometimes! 😛 (and I really do!!!) but the only thing I can (and should) do is change my own actions and behaviour. I have enough of my own baggage to deal with – I can support and encourage my friends without carrying their baggage along with mine.
One of the natives spotted at the Figment art festival in NYC
I was tagged by Bella! OK let’s go.
1. Who is the hottest movie star?
I don’t know why but I always have a hard time picking someone off the top of my head! I think of all the ones I drooled over when I was a teenager, for some reason… Christian Slater. Harrison Ford. Johnny Depp. I guess in later years I watch fewer movies and more TV? I think Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles are at the top of the current list, but I know there are some I’m just not thinking of right now… Like Nathan Fillion. Hmm wait, doesn’t say male or female. Audrey Toutou, Holly Hunter, Eliza Dushku, this is a very random list of people coming to mind….
2. Apart from a house and/or car, what is the most expensive thing you’ve ever bought?
Well, I did buy a horse at one point. I’m pretty sure that tops the list (though it wasn’t unreasonably high, of course the money poured into boarding and riding equipment added up to so much more!)
3. What’s your most treasured memory?
Oh geez that’s a tough one. I have so many. But I’d have to say the whole experience of Burning Man last year, particularly the splendid sunrise my love and I watched from PEX.
4. What was the best gift that you ever received as a child?
I may be wimping out on this one by saying this – books. I loved to read as a kid, and I’m glad I read as much as I did. I guess also the playhouse at my grandma’s house is a pretty big one – that was awesome as a kid.
5. 4 words to describe yourself ~
Silly, Querulous, Adventureous, Complex
6. What was the highlight of 2008?
Finding my love ❤
7. Favorite film?
So many: Say Anything. Amelie. Serenity. Princess Bride. Dark Crystal. Stardust. Eternal Sunshine.
8. Tell me one thing that I don’t know about you.
My inner dialogue never shuts up. It’s really rare for it to be quiet in my head.
9. If you were a comic book / cartoon character, who would you be?
Pippi Longstocking. Though I want to be as cool as Death, or as crazy fun as Delerium, I’d probably be the awkward chic with a horse in the house.
10. What’s one stupid thing that you did today?
Give me time. Other than get to work late and this 😛 I’m sure I’ll do something else. (Though I did put on a shirt before putting on my bra this morning, I did realize it immediately after.)
I’m tagging:
The spin jam yesterday was small but by no means uneventful. An old car show and DJ were at the Green, playing 50’s music and even giving me a shout out when they played the song “Hula Hoop”, talking about the hooping going on! Apparently they’ll be there the first Thursday in July and August so come hoop to the oldies with me! 😀
While waiting for friends to show up, I was attacked by a mob of kids going after my hoops. I was outnumbered and overcome. For a while I frantically tried to make sure that they weren’t wandering toward the road (with hoops), throwing the hoops around, or hitting each other. Eventually I just stopped and laughed at the chaos of it all!!! And took photos on my phone.
Aside from two mothers – one who wants to buy a hoop (I hope she does) and one who approached midway through and asked me if it was ok for them to play – most of the adults with them did not express any interest or care for the safety of their kids, the safety of my hoops (I wasn’t worried, they can take a beating), or whether I minded having them all fight over the hoops. A huge thank you to those two mothers who DID take the time to talk to me and make sure it was ok! (When the first two kids approached me, I did offer the hoops to play with. I just never expected 20 more to show up!)
Eventually the flash mob moved on, and I was left to hoop and spin poi and convince passers by to try it as well… The music was much different than what I usually hoop to, but I knew many of the songs and it was a pleasant time.
And now I need to go buy cheap kiddie hoops so that I can offer it as bait to the invasive species, and make sure the adults can play as well! I mean, we have so much less play time than they do, it’s only fair! 😀
by TheOriginalLimey on Flickr
Necklush Tutorial
ETA : Bax at Flow Show – 4/24/09 from Hoopsie Daisy on Vimeo.
I’ve been quiet over here, between PDF, work deadlines, and all that kind of fun stuff… but I’m still here!
This month is a whirlwind and I already don’t know where May went, so I expect it to go faster.
This weekend – bachelorette party 😀
Next – Figment! I may be going with a Buttafly, as Random will have a bachelor party that night.
The next weekend is Random’s birthday (June 21) and the wedding that he is officiating for his friends (the above mentioned bach parties) on June 20, so we’ll be down the shore.
After that, June 26/27 is a garage sale hosted by the Deviants (come shop! sell! contact me for info!! It’s in Lake Hopatcong) and that Saturday night, anyone who plays with fire should contact me about hanging out and doing such nonsense in honor of Random’s birthday.
Spin jam is tonight, as long as the clouds hold off, and I keep giving them the evil eye…. (Either they’ll listen or retaliate. JUST CHOOSE ALREADY!)
My limited photos from PDF are here – some film ones stll need developing. Drinko was a huge hit! Especially combined with Skittles Vodka and Vets!
Processing lots of stuff with my e-course – funny enough, by NOT doing some of the exercises. Le sigh. It’s been stressful (mostly because of work deadlines) but they are done now, and I feel like I’ve been getting extra attention from my love in order to help eliminate stress 😀 Absolutely no complaints here.
Life is good, just busy and hectic and fast right now. Trying to stay in the moment.
MWAH!
k8et's ramblings 