Category: life


Hobbies

Those who know me, know that I cycle through different hobbies (you could even say, obsessions) almost as often as the seasons change.  Some I dabble in, some I immerse myself in, some drop to the wayside never to be touched again and some return time and time again.

I’m feeling a boredom from lack of a new obsession.  The last one really was fire, and even though I did the conclave thing, my true drive/passion to pursue it already was waning (I still play, and hope to retain enough skills to continue fire, poi and hooping, I don’t see ever giving it up completely.) 

I suppose you could say after that, that my obsession this summer/fall was love ;o)  It certainly took up much (ok all!) of my spare time, thoughts, daydreams. By NO MEANS is this obsession going away, but before I go crazy doing things like *ahem* purusing wedding forums when I’m bored (hey. we had a playa wedding and did a scavenger hunt for a diamond ring. my inner bride (I had one??) was awakened. and it’s just a project, something to research.  all in good time, all in good time…..)  I need something to stimulate the “new/research/learning/planning” part of my brain.  While he plays Fallout 3. ;o)  

I hope to spend time this winter with simplifying/organizing, and hope to finally knit that Abfab afghan kit that has been sitting here.  Free time has dwindled as we have more social obligations to do together, and we’ve been relishing down time to relax.  So, what can I do that doesn’t add more to the calendar, or cost much?  I have the photography that I dabble in, but I don’t have the drive to pursue that in depth as I see it as a long term lower activity hobby.  I’ve become interested in learning American Sign Language, to be able to communicate with some new acquaintances.  I don’t know…. I want something that involves research on the computer, so that I don’t necessarily have to go anywhere to participate in it (and my location doesn’t matter as much).  (I’d love to get back into art or jewelry classes, but the time and money thing pretty much rules it out.)  I wish I could find something that could make some spare money, but I know how unlikely that is.  Recently came across a store for quilting – while traditional quilts aren’t my thing, I’ve seen some cool crazy quilts, and I have a pretty awesome sewing machine.  But nothing is grabbing me, making me want to consume more and more information. 

I actually stopped reading for a while, just because i hadn’t bought any books, I’m trying to be better about that because I do love to read.  I was asked to blog more for my town blog, but I am at a loss of what I could blog ABOUT.  My love and I have mentioned geochaching as a possible interest, but it’s winter now and I’m an immediate gratification kinda gal.

It’s just about some kind of intellectual stimulation from something new. That I could research during my lunch break at work.  A topic that leads me on fun google goose chases, and scavenging around on the internet.  I won’t bother to pretend to do Nanowrimo or Nablopogmo, I don’t need an external structured event, I need a passion to learn something that I don’t already know.  I’ll keep my eyes open, but let me know if anything comes to your mind! In the meantime, I suppose christmas shopping is a project, even if I’m not passionate about it or the lack of funds making it difficult, definitely needs to be done.

And heck.  Maybe my little town could use a blog on low budget, crafty, creative, eco-friendly, and local suppliers sources for Christmas gifts….  Hmm…. Shopping=research and kills two birds with one stone!

Oh, and you can welcome Random to blog-land if you’d like ;o)  Just got it off the ground last night so still working on the setup.

That time of year

It’s a strange time of year.  There’s a definite pattern that I notice.

The leaves are almost all gone.  The time change means it’s always dark when I leave work.  My favorite season is coming to an end.

I’m recovering from a cold, which isn’t completely gone but hanging on by tooth and nail, or maybe it’s allergies.

It seems like everything should be slowing down.  Of course it should, it’s getting to be hibernation time. The calendar suddenly is much clearer but it doesn’t last long.

I have my birthday, then Thanksgiving, then the holidays (with my grandma’s birthday before Christmas, my mom’s in January).  It gets to this time and I should be excited, but instead I’m just trying to get through all the obligations, and get bitter about how my family won’t even let me pick the restaurant I really want to go to even when it’s MY birthday (and I offer a compromise, not some strange freaky place), and somehow I just muddle through it.  3 households that don’t speak to each other.  Trying to coordinate being at X place when cousins are there, and Y place when my brother is there, etc., etc., etc.  No wonder I get tired just thinking of it.

While I do think it’s partially a seasonal thing, even though it’s dark in January and February, my malaise doesn’t start then, it starts now.

With even more confusion this year on schedules (adding in another family, 2 hours away, to the mix on places to be), and with some of my family saying one thing and probably doing another, I just don’t know – the only certainty is that I’ll be celebrating with my love.  

It’s not JUST the family stuff or the change in weather.  I can’t put my finger on it.  But it feels familiar, this sliding into a depression as the world is changing from reds and oranges and golds to grey and brown.  I think it’s that I WANT the solitude and rest of January and February – I’m ready for it now.  But it’s a whirlwind of activities and shopping and stress until then. 

I’ll do my best to stay grounded, and focus on the light in my life that doesn’t come from the sun or bright leaves. ❤

Um. Yeah.

I could delete that post from October 31 and pretend I never wrote it.  But you are smarter than that.

Life (and a headcold and a deadline at work) got in the way. *shrug*

Eh, I have more interesting things to worry about than trying to keep to that self imposed restriction. 

Off to finish up this work and plan other fun events.

The amount of writing (mostly in emails/forums) I’ve done this week… I should just be a writer ;o)

Exhaustion hit me like a brick wall half an hour ago. I guess I am still tired from PDF, despite sleeping in on monday in a bed, but I only got to sleep in my own bed last night after a long day (2+ hour commute, workday, visiting dad for his birthday…)  I’m afraid I’m fighting off being sick. I can’t afford that, literally (I’d have to take a sick day unpaid, meanwhile they want mandatory OT at work), so fuck the unpacking and costume sewing. I’m taking it easy tonight and catching up with my DVR. The only critical things on my to-do list are feed the kitties and myself.

I want to do Nablopomo again this year, but strive for quality blog posts as well as posting everyday. I’m not masochistic enough to do Nanowrimo this year.

So, I need some help. I know I have some people reading this, but don’t hear from you often ;o)  I want some random questions or topics you’d like to hear me answer. List as many as you want. I’ll try to get to all of them (I tend to be fairly open, at least when questioned, but will keep in mind that family/coworkers can read this!) 

You can start leaving ideas now, although I won’t be using them until November 1.  And I’ll remind you closer to the date.

Yeah. Ok. I feel like I can fall asleep sitting up right now. I’m going, and thankful that I have a very short drive home. Take care y’all.

Musings

So, Random wants to set up his own blog ;o)  When he does, I’ll link to it from here. (He may also guest post on mine, who knows!)  Got me thinking more about what I want out of this blog.

I’ve been pretty edited in my postings here. Usually nothing you don’t want mom or an employer to read.  (Typically I keep my real name seperate, but I have content on the web with my real (nick) name and a link to here.)

I want to write more, but I can’t decide if I want to break down those walls and be more informal, open and honest (the way I can be on friends-only blogs, such as my tribe blog) or if I want to strive for better writing and reaching more of an audience.  The latter makes me think I would have to consistently write more formal entries, such as those I wrote for the Morristown Green blog about Burning Man, however it’s not necessarily the case and just my internal expectations.

Am I writing for myself or the audience?  Both.  I like having this blog as a check in point for friends, a way to update everyone if they choose to read it.  Everyone wants to be heard, or else blogging wouldn’t be public.  And I’ll admit I love checking blog and flickr account stats for shits and giggles! ;o)  But ultimately I do it for my own enjoyment/cathartic exercise. 

I read a lot of blogs. Friends who post often and fairly openly, if only for friends only communities (on myspace, tribe, LJ).  Those who are celebrities for blogging (dooce and yarnharlot).  And then there’s the niche of those people that I don’t know, they aren’t THAT well known publicly, and yet I’m a loyal reader and almost feel like we are friends even if we’ve never talked.  The top of this list has to be Jen Gray. Her entries always include a photo (I want to take more photos!!), and most of the time some thoughts in her head that both show who she truly is, without revealing every single intimate detail of her life.  These entries are moving, inspirational, comforting, hilarious.  I even find awesome music thanks to her fearless self-made movies.

Ha. I hadn’t read her most recent entry until double checking the URL for the link above.

Leave it to Jen to answer the question before I even asked it today.

 

its okay if you dont do it like they do it
and its okay if you do it that way instead of this way

at the end of the day,
this is still YOUR story.

and not a single person on or off the planet can
tell it or work it the way you can.

your thumbprint is essential here.

only you can see from your eyes,
only you can speak the words in your heart,
only you…

you are past the trying to force a way that doesnt belong to you,
that is why you feel that stuck shit feeling….
because it no longer works.

you know better now.

its your song
your story
your way
your expression
your essence
that is the ticket here.

no one can do it just like you.
not a one.

you own the pencil
you are the author of your life.

and thank god.

it would be like a world of re-runs if we did it everyone else’s way.

 

Do you blog?  How do you choose your voice, or how you present yourself, if that is a conscious decision at all?  What do you expect out of other blogs, whether your friend’s or a stranger’s?  Is there anything you want to see more of in this blog?  I won’t bother asking what you want less of – if it’s here, it’s because I want it… Aside from self-editing for professional or personal reasons, I’m not going to stop doing something when you can easily hit the back button in your browser.  (I’m fair, and try to alert readers before something is graphic or controversial so you have some warning ;o)

Accident

 

Accident, originally uploaded by k8et.

How my car was hit and Lauren’s car was totaled while sitting in the driveway.

Driver started in her garage, backed up at an angle hitting her own garage, went across the street, into our cars in the driveway, then switched from reverse to drive and hit the telephone pole.

Driver was fine and refused to go to hospital.

Added irony is that it’s the second destruction of a bush in that exact spot.

I need to blog more. Or maybe I’m just bored. *shrug*

Getting ready for Playa Del Fuego – it’s one week from today!!! My friends and I will be running a theme camp this time and I’m very excited for it.

Otherwise, I’m working on costumes for the halloween party at PEX.  Unfortunately it’s the same night as NYC decom, but my heart belongs to Philly. Sorry big apple! 😀   Random and I will be a steampunkified Mad Hatter and Alice in Wonderland.  Currently looking for gears/mechanisms, glasses for him, and possibly a pink flamingo for me…  Started cutting out fabric for my dress last night.  On the floor.  For over an hour.  I have muscles hurting in strange places.  o.O

That’s about it.  This weekend, hitting up a Cranberry Festival (a project at work involves Cranbury Brook in NJ – just when I learned to type it as a -bury, I need to switch back to the -berry. ayeayeaye)  because who doesn’t like cranberries?  And Bordentown looks like a cool area, so adventuring we will go.  The rest of the weekend will probably be crafting/sewing time as I attempt to make a top hat, and teach Random how to make pants.

Oct 18 will be a NJ Burner Fall Outing day at Doyle’s Farm – anyone is welcome, contact me if you aren’t on the NJ Burning Man email list and need details (once they are decided!)

I need to hoop more.  I need to clean up the apartment – the weekend after PDF I’ll be hosting a small meeting/crafting party.  I need to take more photos.  I need more hours in the day and longer weekends….

OK so time for a little write up and some pics from the burn…. 

All of my pics are here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/k8et/sets/72157607189941551/

But there were many many photos we didn’t get — the man burning (we had front row seats and a camera that had no pictures left!), art that we just didn’t take photos of for whatever reason… I wanted to go back to the art piece I have the tattoo of during the day and get a good shot of me with the sculpture, but it never happened.

I’ve searched out and favorited on flickr photos that either rock or that are of things I missed seeing or just missed taking a photo…. so feel free to browse through them to see some better/other pictures!  http://flickr.com/photos/k8et/favorites/

The weather was bad a few days, but overall it was the best burn yet for me!  
 
Biggest news/favorite memory, probably is getting married to Random (Nate). Yup. We had a playa marrage. (there’s no I in marriage!)  performed by bluebuddha.  We were invited to join a reception, and then asked if we wanted to get married. Sure, why not?!  They lent me a veil and flowers, as well as a maid of honor and a “father” (peter pan).  Random got a best man (peter pan’s boyfriend!)  The marriage is valid until the “alcohol, novelty, or drugs wear off, or until you leave the playa”.  Wedding rings and a certificate completed the ceremony, then it was time for the reception. Introduction, first dance, chicken dance, hokey pokey, conga line, last dance… all the cheesiness, right on the street between the wedding camp and the DJ across the way! it was a blast. I hope they send me photos they took, we signed a book and asked for them to email us. 

Right before this, we had stopped at the Barbie Death Camp and Wine Bistro, and I spilled wine all over myself 😦  Luckily, I never travel anywhere there without a sarong, and I was thrilled to realize I had a special one with me that day (it was given to me by a dear friend, and I wore it at my first burning man during critical tits in her honor!)  So I changed from wine stained capris into the sarong for the wedding 😀

My other most favorite moment was watching sunrise Sunday morning, with the man gone, the temple stood out, and the sun rose behind it from our position at PEX. (We had wandered, danced, spun glow poi, mini-golfed, and cuddled/chatted with some friends the entire night)  
 


(Photo by Lisa)

As for conclave… well we performed Thursday night at PEX.  Except for one part not going as planned at all and not making sense to the audience (taking down uncle sam between fire pieces), it went well.  Then saturday, it was a little dusty all day, and full white out for a few hours before sunset.  News on the ranger radios was that the man burn was delayed.  When it cleared, we made our way to PEX, to hear that we had no idea if we were performing or not, but we went out to the man.  They ended up just burning the man with no conclave performance – I’ve heard various reasons (no performing because he was loaded with fuel/fireworks, or because they didn’t want the wind to pick up and end up missing the window of opportunity… *shrug*.)  we were all disappointed, and some were very angry.  I appreciate that I enjoyed spending so much time with this amazing group of performers, becoming better friends with them, and we had front row seats for the burn.  I don’t know if I’ll do it next year, just not sure I want to commit the time and driving again, but it was totally worth it.


 
The temple burn was magical, my first time sitting up close (for various reasons the past two times, I watched from mid-playa or esplanade).  The Man burn had the longest fireworks show I’ve seen in my attendance there. 


 
As those of you who have been know, it’s just a crazy week full of amazing memories, and hard to put them all into words. the list of things we meant to see/do is long, but I know we would have sacrificed things we did experience if we held to schedule. 
 
Random had a great time as well – and we travelled well together. yeah we each had little cranky moments but that always happens at burning man, the weather and lack of sleep can be harsh. they passed quickly, and even after spending almost two weeks together, we didn’t want to leave each other, so I say that was a complete success 😀
 
 
and so I’m going to be totally lame and use parts of something I wrote for my town’s blog rather than recreate some of the things it says (I was pestered by one of the main bloggers to contribute. I posted before I left for burning man – http://www.nj.com/morristown/index.ssf/2008/08/not_your_usual_summer_vacation.html – and once I have all my photos will submit the full follow up post as well.).
 
————————————–
Journaling attempts (both photographic and written) fail, as time becomes fluid and you are continually distracted until exhaustion catches up with you out in the desert.  My boyfriend and I attempted to write in a journal and only got about two days worth before forgetting it entirely.  Trying to catch up post-event, it’s become a list of favorite mental snapshots and moments that even full paragraphs or photos could not do justice.
 
Our arrival on Monday afternoon was a dusty one.  It was clear driving on the roads, but once you turn off the pavement and onto the playa (the dry lake bed) it grew dustier as we drove, and we could not see the city through the cloud hovering over it.  The caravan slowed as soon found out that the gates to the city were closed, with full white out conditions in the city it was unsafe for driving.  We alternated between sweating in the van (with no working air conditioner) and suiting up with goggles and dust mask to stand in the cool breeze of the storm. 


 
As the weather cleared up where we were, an impromptu party of neighboring cars started as people broke out a box of wine, a guitar, and marshmallows.  Odd combinations like this are the norm on the playa, and we enjoyed making new friends as we waited.  Once the gates were opened, they rushed us past the greeters rather than giving “virgins” (first timers) the fun inaugural speeches and dares.  I was disappointed for my boyfriend as it was his first burn, but he says the white out was the best initiation for him.
 
By the time we set up camp and said hello to old friends, we were too exhausted to go any further, and decided to rest up for the first full day on playa.
 
And from there, it was one adventure leading to another.  Whether you start out for a task or a leisurely wander, it easily can last longer than expected as you run across friends you haven’t seen, or an unusual piece of art.  Stopping to smell the roses is essential, as the next time you pass that way the object of interest could be moved, or non-functioning (as functioning pieces of art tend to have down times), or despite all good intentions you may not pass that way twice. 
 
Some burners fall into definite “day” or “night” categories – meaning they will live one up to the fullest and spend most of the other recovering/sleeping.  We did our best to do a little of each – managed to see two sunrises by staying up all night, but the day after was always a wash out.  Other days we did daytime art exploration.  And even if you don’t need sleep for some reason, there are still not enough hours in the week to see everything you want to see.    
 
While the large art works and the burns of the Man and the Temple certainly are memorable, it’s the little things that mean the most to me.  They are snippets of memories and no longer hold any order or timeline in the conventional sense.
 
-The synchronicity of sharing a plane route (and even a row) with a familiar face, both on the outbound and inbound trips. 
-Playing “spot the burner” in the airports (some are easy, carrying fake fur coats and sporting colorful hair – some are more of a challenge!) 
-A picnic in a shady spot out in the middle of the hot playa on an art piece, offering passersby blueberries and strawberries and seeing their delighted reactions. 
-Standing in line at the 30′ tall ketchup bottle, waiting for fresh french fries, and making friends while we wait. 

Photo by Chuntr

Photo by Chuntr

-Watching skydivers at night with sparkly firework effects, leaving trails in the sky. 
-Speaking of the sky, the clearest view of the stars I have ever seen, and shooting stars are a common find. 
-Staying warm and chatting with friends as we wait for the sunrise – which rose behind the temple from where we were sitting. 
-Being invited to have an impromptu “playa” wedding – only for the duration of the event – with strangers standing in as father of the bride, best man, and maid of honor, complete with a reception featuring a first dance, the chicken dance, hokey pokey, conga line, and last dance.  Our “cake” was a s’mores Poptart, given to us shortly before hand from the off duty art car “Dust City Diner”.
-Having a “brainwashing” at Cleu camp (

www.cleu.org) – which is a relaxing meditation as they explain the meaning of their symbol, and they give you a copper necklace with the same symbol. 
-Leaving notes/messages at the Temple, for those who passed on and for those who could not return to Burning Man this year. 
-Watching my boyfriend (er, husband at the time!) experience the city for the first time with such joy and awe. 
-Performing our conclave piece during the week, our last rehearsal. (It ended up being our only performance of it – high winds and white outs on Saturday precluded the conclave groups who worked so hard all year from performing before the Man burned.  He still burned, just later than usual, and we did have front row seats.  Many were angry or disappointed, but the time spent practicing with my group was wonderful and it was worth it even if the end goal was never completed.) 
-Sharing wine and chocolate with neighbors before the Temple burned, and walking home in a white out at night afterwards.
 
 
Those are just a few of the highlights of the week.  Yes, the weather was harsh at times.  However I find the Playa (and it does take on a personality of it’s own) tends to bring you what you need, whether or not it’s what you want.  Mostly, for me, it brings me back to the moment.  You can’t focus on things you need to do/see – the only things I had scheduled were our last rehearsal and our performance, and you know how that turned out.  You can’t rely on a mental list of things you want to see, or return to in the daylight.  When you leave camp, you need to have your bag fully packed with water, snacks, dust mask and goggles, because you never know what is in store for you.  You may have a goal destination, but it usually is just a starting direction for your journey.  Wherever you are, whoever you are with, you need to enjoy that to the fullest.  Because that’s a moment you’ll never get back.

——————————————————-

Rodin's "The Kiss"

Rodin - "The Kiss" (Photo by flickr user gherm)

hymn to the sacred body of the universe
(drew dellinger)

let’s meet
at the confluence
where you flow into me
and one breath
swirls between our lungs

let’s meet
at the confluence
where you flow into me
and one breath
swirls between our lungs

for one instant
to dwell in the presence of the galaxies
for one instant
to live in the truth of the heart
the poet says this entire traveling cosmos is
“the secret One slowly growing a body”

two eagles are mating—
clasping each other’s claws
and turning cartwheels in the sky
grasses are blooming
grandfathers dying
consciousness blinking on and off
all of this is happening at once
all of this, vibrating into existence
out of nothingness

every particle
foaming into existence
transcribing the ineffable

arising and passing away
arising and passing away
23 trillion times per second—
when Buddha saw that,
he smiled

16 million tons of rain are falling every second
on the planet
an ocean
perpetually falling
and every drop
is your body
every motion, every feather, every thought
is your body
time
is your body,
and the infinite
curled inside like
invisible rainbows folded into light

every word of every tongue is love
telling a story to her own ears

let our lives be incense
burning
like a hymn to the sacred
body of the universe
my religion is rain
my religion is stone
my religion reveals itself to me in
sweaty epiphanies

every leaf, every river,
every animal,
your body
every creature trapped in the gears
of corporate nightmares
every species made extinct
was once
your body

10 million people are dreaming
that they’re flying
junipers and violets are blossoming
stars exploding and being born
god
is having
déjà vu
I am one
elaborate
crush
we cry petals
as the void
is singing

you are the dark
that holds the stars
in intimate
distance

that spun the whirling,
whirling,
world
into existence

let’s meet
at the confluence
where you flow into me
and one breath
swirls between our lungs

Procrastinating from working, wanted to share some upcoming events!

Friday 8/8/8! An auspicious day, and World Hoop Day!!!! For jersey folks, Teri is having a gathering in Wayne from 5:30 onwards. Contact me for more details! I’ll be there until dusk-ish.

Saturday 8/9/08 – PEX Compression Party!!!!  You know the PEX parties of past, through experience or reputation.  Yes, this is a different venue – we broke it in for Phoenix Rising.  It still has the awesome PEX energy (despite overpriced drinks and thorough searches by bouncers! Be respectful and law abiding and they’ll treat you fine. You are allowed in and out of the place however, not that I’m condoning any illegal behaviour… But I suppose a drinkypoo in the parking lot is not illegal if you don’t drive with an open container or while inebriated! right? ;o)  AND no pesky limits on invites, we have plenty of room for all! Just remember to dress up (ARrrrgh! pirate or ninja??) or you’ll pay a hefty entrance fee. 

The following weekend I’ll be winemaking Friday night, hanging with some cool cats in frenchtown Saturday night, and freaking out about packing the rest of the time. 

Friday Aug 15th, 9 pm, Playa del Fuego tickets go on sale!  My awesome crew of gals is talking about making our group an official theme camp this time… If you are interested in attending for the first time, or camping with us, contact me because space near me will be limited! But we’ll have a satellite area in open camping as well.  Fall PDF is October 9 – 13.

August 25 – Sept 1: Burning Man WHEEEEEEEE!!! I’ll be camped along 5:30 somewhere, look for a casket bar/keg system on a corner, a bunch of old hippies in tiedye, and possibly a pool table as well.  Home brew for the home brew is the name of our unofficial theme camp.  Catch my conclave group performance at PEX’s camp (Esplanade and 8:00) Thursday evening, 8 pm, or right before the Man burns Saturday night!

 

Is there life after Burning Man? Yes, there is…. It just gets much more relaxed. ;o)  I’m not planning on fall Wildfire (and it sold out in less than 2 days!) and we have PDF of course.  And before you plan any fun halloween parties, put PEX’s decompression halloween party on your calendar for October 25!!!